Our resident south-of-the-Mason-Dixon-line expert David Gern graces us with his presence and wonderful words for episode 7. One important note: This was recorded last night, which means news of Albert Haynesworth failing a second conditioning test had not yet reached our ears. Otherwise more Albert bashing would have taken place.
1) Albert Haynesworth
2) Everything Fantasy Football
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
With Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco combining forces, they have accidentally created the greatest touchdown celebration combination in history. Flying solo, T.O. and Ochocinco's celebration possibilities were grand, but limited. Now that they have formed a superteam, not only do the possibilities balloon, but so do the ideas. But before we delve into the future, we must appreciate the past. Here are the top 10 touchdown celebrations, brought to you by none other than Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco.
Although I never support plagiarism, T.O. manages to mock Ray Lewis' steroid-induce entrance while playing against him. Kudos, my friend.
Subtle, yet well-crafted. Sometimes celebrations don't have to be overly showy. Less is more.
How long did he practice this before the game? Over/under is at 10 minutes.
Sombrero and poncho. Quality.
Unfortunately I couldn't find any video, but Terrell Owens taking the pom poms of the San Francisco cheerleaders is a quality celebration. Anything involving a cheerleader is a quality celebration, actually.
Its always nice to involve the fans. Although apparently we should be avoiding stadium food, so maybe not the smartest decision to go the popcorn route.
Again, no video, so my apologies. Getting autographs is hard enough, but in game autographs? Impossible. Although I love the foresight of having a sharpie in his sock (because, of course he was going to score a touchdown), I'm more impressed with his generosity. Or maybe I'm confusing generous with obnoxious. Regardless, I love it.
No video, but a quick recap: Chad Ochocinco scores, followed by him sinking the putt with his pylon putter, as seen above. What makes this celebration better, however, is the Tiger fist pump that follows. Incorporating two sports gives this celebration a boost in the rankings.
I couldn't figure out how to embed the video so you could just click play, but here's a link to Chad Ochocinco proposing to a cheerleader after scoring a long touchdown (Don't worry, all you have to do is click the link and it auto-starts). The best part? T.J. Houshmandzadeh acting as the best man. And she said yes. Congratulations, kids.
The first time round, Owens celebration would only have cracked the top 10, not the top 5. But the audacity to not only mock Dallas twice, but Emmitt Smith as well, warrants some true praise. The best part, however, is T.O.'s perseverance. You can tackle him and shove him, but you cannot knock him off of his celebration.
Monday, July 26, 2010
As much as it contradicts my every instinct to admit, New York Knicks fans are obnoxious. First, we blindly assume LeBron wants to resurrect the Knicks from basketball's basement. Then, when the Chris Paul rumors surface, we are once again shocked when Chris Broussard rips away our potential star by callously claiming Paul would rather play for the perennial championship contender Orlando Magic than our beloved Knicks.
Instead of shooting for greatness and being ultimately disappointed, let's for once stay grounded and enjoy what we have. If we take a quick look at our recent history, there's no reason why anyone would want to play in New York. Due to the Knicks' recent fall from grace, any chance of New York immortality is a dream at best. We haven't won a championship since '73. Our esteemed owner James Dolan managed to hire the worst GM in NBA history. And now, he's being reconsidered for the GM position along with Alan Houston. Probably a red flag.
And now, Donnie Walsh. I'm all for more cap space. In fact, he did a remarkable job cleaning up Isiah's mess. I don't know if Donnie's noticed, but every great team is built through the draft. Too many teams are caught up in recreating the Celtics and Heat. Is it a quick fix? Sure.
But for the foreseeable future, there will not be a free agent class like this year's. Now we're stuck with tons of cap space, and little way to spend it. In the end, the draft is the only foolproof team-building method.
I've already stated my dislike of Amar'e, but I cannot deny that he's still an excellent player. This signing, though, costs the Knicks exactly what we cannot afford: draft picks. Once we put aside our Carmelo and Chris Paul delusions, the Knicks are far from a championship contender. By the time this team does become truly competitive, Amar'e will be at the backend of this deal and past his prime. So I ask, what's the point? On a team with other pieces, he's a great signing. But Donnie's recent splash will wallow in mediocrity, making his grand entrance to New York an ultimately moot point. The draft, on the other hand, allows your team to grow together, with everyone hitting their prime around the same time. Look at Oklahoma City or Portland. Their consistent drafting and prudent free agent spending has cemented their spots among Western Conference contenders.
In the meantime, while Knicks fans like myself await future glory days, let's be happy with what we have. Has Donnie done an excellent job? No. Has he drafted poorly? Yes. But are we a better team? Without a doubt. We have a chance at the playoffs. We have a reason to go the Garden. Maybe we don't have championship aspirations, but we have aspirations. So I'll stop complaining about what we don't have. I don't think I'm alone when I say that I'll take this over the Isiah era.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
After a week of containing my inner blogger, I have to unburden myself by sharing a few thoughts for discussion.
1) Jimmy Johnson joining Survivor: Nicaragua - I think it's time for the famous-people-joining-reality-tv fad to end. I did not even realize Survivor continued to chug along. I only watched one season, which was mildly entertaining at best. Although I can't deny that there aren't some interesting possibilities here. Does Jimmy become the leader, considering his coaching experience? Or does he simply tread water, callously commenting on other behind their backs as he does as an NFL analyst on FOX. More importantly, does anyone on the island even recognize him?
2) SI releases Top 50 richest athletes - Somehow Floyd Mayweather Jr. finds his way into the top 5 for refusing to fight. This is why people are so turned off boxing: good fighters don't want to fight for fear of losing. That and there are a grand total of 2 good fighters left.
Lefty at #2? He's not even the best at his sport. Although that cannot compete with Tiger, who managed to maintain his top spot by a significant margin through cheating on his wife and losing quite a few sponsors. For a sports who's strongest demographic is the 50+ range, I still do not understand how they have enough money to continue. I'll say it now. In 20 years, golf will turn into boxing.
Other quality people on the list: Matt Stafford (11), Darius Heyward-Bey (28). If there were ever an explanation for the flaws of NFL Rookie contracts, this has to be the best one.
3) Ilya Kovalchuk signs a 17 year deal - I know this is old news. But props to the NHL for rejecting the deal. I can't decide if this deal says more about the NHL or the Devils. Either NHL must be praised for flexing its muscles and deciding to halt this absurd deal, or we must disparage the Devils for having a deal rejected. Someone please tell me the last time this happened.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Boom. Check it out. JockPOST style. Some more hating on LeBron. I've saved a bit of hate for Wade, too.
Also, watch T.O. get dunked on (30 seconds in). Not helping his showcase for NFL teams.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Daniel Perlman and Kushal Patel make a return appearance to Pardon the Opinion's podcast. If you're looking for a little NBA mixed in with some running bases, Hey Arnold and Gloria James "petting," take a listen.
1) NBA Free Agency
2) The Decision
3) Stuart Scott
4) MLB Allstar Game
5) Pro Bowl
6) Vick, Burress, Stallworth
7) Hey Arnold
Sunday, July 4, 2010
It is against my self-imposed rules to speculate about this July 1st-spawned phenomenon. I will not read between the lines. I refuse to surrender myself. I do not wish to morph into the much maligned, over indulgent, reporter/twitter junkie. On that note, let's talk some NBA.
No, I am not about to become a Peter King-like hypocrite.
I was thinking more along the lines of things greater than basketball, money or championships. Basketball to animal comparisons.
Joe Johnson - Pig
Joe Johnson flew the coop to chase the money in Atlanta. In 2010, the same greed kept him down south and destroyed all championship prospects for the Hawks. When your overweight uncle reaches for 3rd helpings at Thanksgiving, his wife immediately strikes with a powerful "don't be a pig." Joe's 3rd helping not only landed on his plate, but also found its way into his mouth. I am inclined, therefore, to employ this somewhat obvious and simple comparison. Yet more lies beneath the surface. We are blinded by the beautiful taste of bacon just as we are enamored with Joe's scoring ability. It excites the palate during all meals. Whether welcoming you to the day with a bacon, egg and cheese, supplying extra energy for the rest of the day through the famous BLT, or acting as the perfect compliment on the bacon cheeseburger, it's a wonderful addition to the culinary arts. It sweeps us off of our feet without us even noticing.
During the regular season, our opinion of Joe slowly improves as his team looks good from a distance. Just as the bacon blinds us, so does Joe. Yet when our sight returns, we can only shake our heads at our folly. The $2 for bacon is rarely worth it because as with Joe, the pig's packaging never fully delivers. The $119 million will not be worth it simply because he disappears when it counts. He is the bacon, not the burger. He is simply a piece of the success sandwich, not the piece.
Chris Bosh - Kangaroo
Just as Chris Bosh resides in America's annoying little brother, Canada, the kangaroo finds itself trapped on an island that Asia has hated for thousands of years. Let's be honest. "Mate" and "eh" add nothing other than an extra breath. But back to the comparison. Both, not surprisingly, are attempting to leave in the most attention-seeking manner possible. Hoards of video cameras tail Bosh and document his every move (we're probably looking at a future 30 for 30). The kangaroo is too attention-seeking to simply walk, and therefore must hop. It is an animal of change, seeking new and exciting places to venture towards. Some say the kangaroo prefers salt water for the taste. Real experts can peel away the kangaroo's layers of deception and extract the truth; they're looking for a way off the island. Of all the free agents, Bosh is the only one whom we are certain will leave. He, like the kangaroo, cannot fully hide his desire to be devoid of anonymity and is controlled by the allure of the big time.
Dwyane Wade - Cheetah
Look past the obvious comparisons between the speed of "Flash" and the cheetah, and dig a bit deeper. Both wear their emotions on their sleeves. Well, face. While it took a shoulder injury to evoke tears and somewhat taint Dwyane's face, the cheetah's tear lines are a constant reminder of that sad Miami Heat moment. But when the tears are not flowing and saturday night rolls by, don't be surprised to see either Dwyane or the cheetah involved in the social scene. They may both be fast, but both creatures are no strangers to slowing down to the speed of a star-studded social life. Whether it's seducing the females at the hottest Miami night club or engaging sexual counterparts in a shady knoll, both are silky smooth. Yet in the end, while both may enjoy socializing and partaking in the courting process, they ultimately return home to the familiar where they can comfortably sit atop the social hierarchy.
LeBron James - Gorilla
Let me start this off by saying that I am not a racist. Glad we got that out of the way.
If LeBron happened to foray into the jungle, he would stumble upon his primate equal. Their flat noses, hairy faces and generally imposing and feared physical statures would draw these naturally compatible species together. Some scientists even argue that the LeBron prototype evolved from the gorilla, citing the LeBron headband and the gorilla's superciliary arch above the eyebrow. If their familiarity increased and friendship ensued, they would notice their similar beliefs in loyalty to and protection of the family and close friends. Rarely will either travel alone. When attacking enemies, their physicality and overwhelming strength would dominate the competition. Even in celebration, chest pounding and incomprehensible groans connect these seemingly different beasts. Yet sprinkled onto these forceful attacks is a touch of skill, either involving opposable thumbs to dissect the prey or devestating crossovers to deflate the defender. Whether in the animal kingdom or on the basketball court, they dominate.
If the mood strikes me, part 2 of these comparisons will be coming on Wednesday.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Maybe I'm alone in this, but free agency thoroughly exhausts me to the point of frustration. As it stands, the only free agents of significance likely to leave are Amar'e Stoudemire, Carlos Boozer, David Lee, Chris Bosh and possibly LeBron James. A strong class, without a doubt. But if LeBron does in fact remain in Cleveland, I will be disappointed. Not only because he's not a Knick, but also because the climax of the hype was non-existent.
Dwyane Wade is not innocent either. Despite repeatedly announcing that he wants to stay in Miami, he continues to take meetings with other teams. According to Ric Bucher of ESPN, he's attempting to play interference by distracting teams from other targets. Bush league, I say. His refusal to commit to the Heat has created an annoying domino effect. Without Wade, neither Bosh nor Boozer will commit to the Heat. If Wade does in fact choose a new basketball home, others will have to await his decision before reaching their own.
Same for LeBron. If he stays, the equation completely changes. If he goes, the equation changes again. In short, the James and Wade hold both their own destiny and that of their fellow free agents in their attention-seeking hands. LeBron can claim that he wants to hear the pitches of individual teams before deciding, but what can the teams say that will be shockingly new or innovative? LeBron and his camp already know what each team has to offer.
His taking of the meetings would not be so frustrating had he already announced his departure from Cleveland. Then, obviously, details might make the difference. But if he stays in Cleveland, he already knew he was going to. Nothing these teams say in meetings will single-handedly propel LeBron to their respective cities. There is only one reason to stay in Cleveland: loyalty. The team has very little room to maneuver under the cap and is unlikely to make improvements in the near future. Long lasting basketball success is more readily available somewhere other than Cleveland.
So leave Cleveland and Miami, LeBron and Dwyane. Not simply because I want the door to New York to remain open, but to save some face. Prove to us that the hype monster you two created was worth it.